Its crazy to me that in a matter of no time
(but yes time has passed)
that i could feel this way
Yes I have had my flings in the past,
But this one
This one is different
I cant even describe it
He means so much to me
I have always been the one in control
But this time it is equal
Its a crazy balance of give and take
and Its a crazy balance of I love him
I love him more than anything
and i would do anything for him
Im scared to say it
but
he
is the
ONE
and ill do anything to make sure of it

this has never happened before
but hes the only one
the only one i think about
the only one i want
when a song comes on
its him
its him i think about
and no one else
when i think about my wedding
the wedding which has never really
in any detail
crossed my mind before
its him
its him I think about
its him I think about and get teary eyed over 
and i dont cry
I dont cry over anything
and i get teary eyed at just the thought of being his
FOREVER

FOREVER
Thats how long i want to be his
and i have never been able to say that about any one else
I feel dumb and I feel too young to be saying this
But its how i feel
and I KNOW this is how i will feel for the rest of my life
He is the reason I am working so hard to be a better person
He is the reason this blog is now almost obsolete
But I am too scared to tell him all of this
although i know he can take it and understand it, I am still scared
I am guarded
But I love him
unconditional love
i could say love about him a million times and it wouldnt be enough
hes everything to me and i never want to lose him

you left me without a spark
and i wish i could look both ways before i leap
but now im in the dark

You Miss This and You Know It

Im a hell of a good time baby
Why don't you come on and join me for the ride

Papa

We are all just living
no waiting
waiting to die
i have known this
but still the thought of u leaving me
leaving me with no chance of ever seeing your face again
I cant take it
I sit here
never cried harder
I love you so much
you cant do this to me
please dont do this to me
Who is going to walk me down the aisle
If you leave i dont know
No one can take your place
You were always there for me
Always loved me
Im sorry for all the stupid things I did now
I wish I would have been there for you more
I love you
Just please dont leave
You cant leave me
You cant leave me here without you
Im so scared
and without you
who will be here to hold me
just stay please
and hold me

Your words, like knives
Oh how
Oh how they cut and slice

To Hell I Went, and All I Got was This Broken Heart

Our time is over 

Thank God for that 

Oh you sure did teach me a lesson 

Oh how i learned it too 

I guess this world aint so beautiful 

Cuz damn boy u are UGLY

Mutilated

Disfigured 

and how the sight of you I loathe

I toss you into the sun and you hide 

I would too if my heart looked like yours

Be gone you horrendous thing

I have learned my lesson one too many times 

and now I will throw you to the dogs 

throw you to the dogs like a rejected serving 

I reject you 

and this time don't come back 

Cuz what we had was an illusion

It may have felt like heaven 

But the demons inside you hid so well

and hell is not where i shall reside

too hot of a place 

too much of a waste 

you were a waste

So i havent done a tattoo post in a while and i have been wanting one so badly but the grandpa is totally against it so im goin to be a good kid and wait till later :)

enjoy

State of the Art

I found this artist C.S. Neal and now I am obsessed I want to hang this stuff in my apartment

Tradition Wears a Snowy Beard, Romance is Always Young

I should be getting ready but I am not
Instead I am realizing that I have a secret obsession
with guys who have full beards or really any gruffness

This is a picture from an artist that I have fallen in love with Betsy Walton. 

MMMM Jake :)

This is from an Etsy shop called KeepCalmArsenal

Yummmy....

And finally the love of my life 

I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES

They Say Never Regret, But How Could I Not

Im sorry for what I did to you
I said Im sorry
I sat there and let you believe I loved you
I didnt
I didnt at all and I knew it
I took your heart and I crushed it
I went behind your back and did things you still dont even know about
I hate myself for it
I did it
I did it all the same
Im sorry for that
I regret it now
I regret it now that it has happened to me
I know this is what you want to hear
I know it is because these are the same words I wish would come out of his mouth
I am sorry
I now am thankful for you
I am thankful for you in a way that I should have been when we were together
I know you still hate me
I dont blame you
I still hate the one who did this to me
I just want you to know
I want you to know that I would change it
I wouldnt hurt you
I was in denial all this time
I am sorry
I am sorry and that is all
I miss you

LIfe or Death

So in my massive amount of boredom today waiting for my friend
I did something a tad out of character
I wrote a list of things I want to do before I die
of course this list will change
only additions ideally but here it goes

1. Go to a major worldwide sporting event : World Cup, Olympics, ect...
2. Have a Huge party and invite every single person I know and see who shows up
3. Have my portrait painted
4. Make an original work of art
5. Learn to speak a foreign language and use it
6. Go Skinny dipping in the Agean Sea
7. Be an Extra in a film
8. Write down the story of my life in great detail leaving nothing out
9. Own a home looking onto the ocean
10. Brew my own beer
11. Experience Octoberfest in Germany
12. Learn how to take a compliment gracefully
13. Get in the car and just drive until I am lost
14. Get on a plane and just go without warning
15. Buy a house for my mother
16. Buy a dozen roses for my grandmother and tell her I love her
17. Forgive my father
18. Keep in touch with my sisters
19. Write a love letter and send it in a bottle
20. Plant a garden and keep up with it
21. Live in the middle of a large city
22. Live in the country
23. Learn to speak my mind, gracefully
24. Write a fan letter
25. Wait tables for nearly a year of my life
26. Run a marathon or participate in a triathalon
27. Learn to ski or snowboard
28. Trace my family back as far as I can
29. Go to the top of the Statue of Liberty
30. Give to charity and don't take the credit
31. Donate to a school and have your name on something
32. Go hunting and eat what I catch
33. Visit the Holy Land
34. Visit a Concentration Camp
35. Go up an Escalator facing down
36. Go to Vegas and loose it all
37. Teach someone to read
38. Spend the night in a haunted house
39. Own a timeless and expensive piece of jewelry
40. Learn to play the piano
41. Learn to read music
42. Visit every state at least once
43. Live in Mexico for a year
44. Walk up to a man and ask him on a date
45. Kiss a stranger
46. Visit Every Continent
50. Learn to SAMBA
51. Be in a play
52. Take a class after I retire
53. Drive the entire Autobahn
54. Spend Christmas in Australia
55. Buy and Old home remodel it and give it to a needy family
56. Build my own house how I want it
57. Go spelunking
58. Visit the Great Barrier Reef
59. Get my diving license
60. Get my racing license
61. Race a very fast car
62. Get in a fighter Jet and break the sound barrier

Id rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not

So I have recently come to realization that I can't make everyone happy
And also that me being nice gets me nothing other than people being fake
So I'm done
No more letting people walk all over me
No more being nice because I don't want people to get mad at me
If you don't like me
Well then go the Fuck Away
Because I honestly can't stand you anyway
I just am nice because I don't want to cause a scene
From now on I'm doing things for me
I'm doing what makes me happy
What I want to do
And anyone who doesn't like it can go suck a dick :)

Abandoned by Reason

So I went to Austin to visit a friend of mine 

IM MOVING THERE ASAP 

Im in love with it 

well anyways 

on my way back I came across an abandoned biofuel building 

actually idk if it was abandoned or just really unorganized 

but anyways I of course stopped and went to take pics