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Monday, November 15, 2010

No Title Needed, Its in the Words.

Cant sleep...
or maybe it is just that I have a lot on my mind 
same things coming back to haunt me 
makes it hard to do anything
makes it hard to sleep 
or think 
or feel... 
feel anything 
just a mess
a mess of constant thought 
constant distractions buzzing in my head 
like a television
but instead of beautiful scenes 
just static 
just static with the occasional scene of horror flashing upon the screen
how is any of this logical 
how is what you are thinking logical
to you 
to anyone?
and even if logic wasn't a part of it 
how is what you are feeling is not painful 
knowing that you do it 
knowing that you hurt 
enjoyable to you? 
thats the only reasonable explanation to me
and to top it all off 
I have someone else
but there are times where you even ruin that for me
one message from you and that it all it takes for the buzzing 
the buzzing that I had pushed back so well 
to come roaring forward at an alarming volume
bursting my eardrums 
bursting my thoughts 
bursting any shred of emotion
a burst that pushes me back into being scared 
being scared to tell anyone anything about me 
scared to put myself in a position where I could get hurt by another like you
scared to say the words that I want to say
I hate this 
I hate you 
its tragic.

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